The marriage between my ex-husband and I was a mistake from beginning to end and, luckily, my years of city life empowered me with the courage to wave goodbye to him and his family.

At 17, I was forced by my father to drop out of school because my family had to scrape up the money needed to build a house for my older brother in preparation for his marriage.

I ran away from home and jumped on a train headed for Shanghai, the famous metropolis, with only 20 yuan ($3) in my pocket. When I got there, I slept in parks and guarded against other homeless people who wanted to steal my money until, one day, a passer-by took me to an employment agency and I started to look for work.

Initially, I worked at a mom-and-pop diner, serving breakfast and getting up at 3 am to make soybean milk and steamed buns.

But, at the age of 21, I was coaxed back home by my parents, who wanted me to get married to a man from my home village. I met him only twice before our wedding, which was decided upon by my parents while I was working in Shanghai. My two sons were born during the following three years and I didn't even stop working during my pregnancies.

In rural areas, boys are strongly favored and are deemed to be the inheritors of the family. How I wish I could have given birth to a daughter so I could have taken care of her in person because my boys were totally monopolized by my mother-in-law.

I returned to Shanghai for work in 2005 after the job of maternity matron, a person who cares for newborns and new moms, became popular. I signed up for a course to obtain a professional certificate immediately after learning I could earn almost 10 times what I had earned in previous jobs.

I was young, strong and systematic in my work. Multitasking was never a problem for me. I was popular with my clients, who often introduced me to their friends. Once, I even went to the United States for two months with a Shanghai woman who gave birth there.

In contrast, my ex-husband never left the village for work. The divide between us was widening. He believed he could live on the farm and never thought of doing something to fight for a better future. His parents pampered him and never urged him to make any changes.

He was relaxed and wanted everything to move at a slow pace. However, after years of living in Shanghai, I would get anxious if I wasn't earning money.

If a client had not given birth on her expected date of confinement and I was without something to do, I would look for part-time work, such as cleaning in a hotel, to tide me over.

My ex-husband knew I was capable of earning more than 10,000 yuan a month, so he relied on me financially.

Around three years ago, when our relationship was already in a bad way, he asked me to return home to attend a relative's wedding. I refused. He said: "That's fine, but you still need to send me some money because we will give the relative money as a gift". He was constantly asking for money.

I became fed up with all that and finally asked for divorce. His parents opposed it initially but gave up last year. My ex-husband got custody of the boys. It was almost impossible for a rural woman to win a battle for the custody of her son.

Last year, I bought an apartment in a county in Jiangsu, which motivated me to work even harder. After 5,000 yuan from my monthly income goes on the mortgage payments, I still manage to save some of my earnings. I didn't even go home for our family reunion during Spring Festival because I was able to get double pay during the holiday.

I have also been improving my mind and have been learning English for years, and I am taking courses to become an advanced baby care educator and plan to work coaching maternity matrons.

I enjoy my life now. It is free, bright and easy to afford, now that I am on my own.

Xu Yuan, 36, is from rural Jiangsu province and works in Shanghai caring for mothers and newborn babies