Comment on "Chinese men looking West" (Nov 11, China Daily)

That some Western women now consider marrying Chinese men is really a recognition of China's growing prosperity. But despite that I don't agree with the claim in Tiffany Tan's article that Chinese women are, generally, more materialistic than their Western counterparts.

Many Western women may seem less materialistic, but that's because they assume any man interested in them can afford to live the lifestyle they expect and are used to. On the other hand, most middle class expectations and pleasures are fairly new to most Chinese women, so they feel the need to make it clear what they expect from a man.

There are many Western women who are less interested in how much a man earns but there is reason for that: Such women are well educated or have built independent careers themselves. Besides, career women expect their partners to share the household chores and child-caring tasks. More often than not, it's the women, not men, who usually control the household budget.

If you insinuate that Chinese women are difficult to understand because they do not say clearly what they feel and want, you would be overlooking a rather charming feature they share with their French and Italian counterparts. They understand that everything, especially love, cannot always be expressed in words. In English-speaking cultures everything has to be verbalized to the point where genuine feelings can be crushed or ignored. What is important for many Chinese women is not words, but what is really meant or implied because different words mean different things in different contexts.

Ross Grainger, via e-mail

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(China Daily 11/18/2010 page9)