Diaosi are most afraid of the question "Are you happy?" which the national television CCTV insists on firing at random passersby. For them, happiness often equals masturbation in solitude, which they claim is their unique way of respecting the female body and not deflowering it.

Diaosi are also proud of their intelligence. They subconsciously place themselves in the position of the Sherlock Holmes-like Judge D and turn around to ask "What's your take, Yuanfang?" That has made Yuanfang, the Tang Dynasty ace detective's assistant, into a belated celebrity.

Diaosi may download a pirated copy of Mo Yan's novel, but they can hardly get through the first chapter. For them, a soap opera about time travel can take them back to an imperial court where they can imagine themselves to be the princes or princesses, or an online adventure tale will get them through numerous hurdles and finally face to face with a huge crate of unexcavated treasures.

Diaosi are also the power behind some of the real-life celebrities who stage real-life battles, some of which spill over to the southern gate of Beijing's Chaoyang Park. That is the place where people of opposing political views like to gather and get into occasional physical scuffles.

Still, the biggest showdown of the year, the one between self-appointed fraud fighter Fang Zhouzi and promotion-savvy race car champion-cum-best-selling writer Han Han, remained in the virtual space. Even the fight between kung fu stars Zhao Wenzhuo and Donnie Yen was only verbal while Jackie Chan keeps spreading love around, mostly to the powers-that-be.

As the Year of the Dragon winds down, the imperially fierce mythical animal that supposedly represents the Chinese race looks increasingly like the sarcastic Eddie Murphy-voiced Mushu Dragon in the Disney cartoon Mulan.

No wonder, at the end of the year, some expert posited the theory that Chinese are the descendents not of the dragon, but of the sheep. You can say that a diaosi is a dragon in a sheep's skin.

Contact the writer at raymondzhou@chinadaily.com.cn.

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