Yu Mingling and Morgan O'Hara turned their long-distance romance into marriage.

Moving from a long-distance relationship to be 'together forever', is not all chocolates and flowers. There can be problems, too, as Tiffany Tan reports.

Related: Separation issues

Eight and a half months pregnant, Xie Hong shuffled through Singapore's Changi International Airport to board a plane that would take her back to Beijing. Beside her, lugging their suitcases, was Xie's husband. In seven and a half years of being married, this was a rare occurence.

For six years, Xie had been working for a newspaper in Singapore while her husband remained in Beijing, then studied in Vancouver. He did spend one year going to business school in the city state - because of her prodding. But he didn't like the idea of settling down in a foreign country.

Xie, on the other hand, reveled in her media job and Singapore's cleanliness and modern infrastructure. So despite her husband's opposition, she was prepared to raise the child on her own and continue the marriage long-distance. Her housing situation, however, ended up deciding her fate.

"The landlord was kind of afraid that once I had a little baby his flat would get dirty and messy, so he asked me to move out," Xie, 40, says.

"Since I was heavily pregnant, I didn't have the energy or time to look for another apartment I was forced to return to Beijing," and re-engage in a life with her husband.

Xie has since joined the communications team of a multinational engineering firm in town, but has not been as fulfilled professionally. There was once or twice when she was tempted to work overseas again.

"I think of exploring new territories. But it's a dilemma," she says. "I have to consider both my family and career."

Now, with her son almost 6, Xie has resolved that tug-of-war within herself. If she takes a new job, she says, it would be with a company that will allow her to spend more time with her child while having his father around.

For Yu Mingling, 30, a few months was enough time to decide to leave her gilded trading and investment job in Chongqing for her boyfriend in Beijing. She felt confident with her decision, although some people might tick off the reasons for more caution.

She didn't have family or friends in the Chinese capital. She didn't have a job lined up. She and her boyfriend did not yet have plans to get married, they had only been dating for four months - and he came from a country and culture she was still getting to know.

"I came to Beijing 100 percent for Morgan," Yu says of her Italian-American partner. "It's possible that after dating for a year or two, we'd break up and I'd have to go back to Chongqing and start all over again. Everything is possible.

"But because I've been in investment for many years, I've realized that life involves taking risks.

"If you really want to do something yet know there's a chance you might regret it, trying and failing is better than not having tried."

The move definitely tested her resolve. It took Yu almost half a year to find another trade and investment job. Used to being busy and financially independent, the months without work left her feeling insecure about her desirability as an employee and as a woman.

There were moments when she just wanted to give up and pack up.

"I called up my mom one time and said I wanted to go back home. She said, 'No you can't. You can't give up on something so easily.'"

Yu's boyfriend, now her husband, also felt the strain of making their new situation work, especially since she had rearranged her life for him.

"I felt a need to, on the one hand, to comfort her. I guess I felt a bit worried at times, but I was just doing whatever I could to make sure the adjustment was going okay," says Morgan O'Hara, a New Yorker who is now general manager of a culture exchange center in Beijing.

"Other times I was less noble and just worrying about myself: Are things going to work if she comes and she's not feeling good about Beijing?"

Relationship experts say communication is vital when a couple is considering turning a long-distance romance into a "proximal" relationship.

Besides job opportunities, living arrangements and social circles, they should also discuss roles and expectations, especially if one person might not earn an income for a while.

"The one depending on the other may not be happy, but the one being depended on may not be happy either," says Chang Wei, a clinical psychologist at Beijing United Family Hospitals and Clinics.

"Do not automatically assume, 'Everything is going to be better or great when we're together'.

"There will be a new set of challenges," says the specialist in marital and relationship conflicts, as well as cross-cultural adjustment issues.

Commitment to making the necessary adjustments - especially in the details of day-to-day life - is also crucial. This may mean spending less time with friends now that the partner is physically present, or coping with irritating habits, such as smoking or leaving dirty clothes on the floor.

"You really don't get to know the other person until you experience daily life with that person," Chang says. "If you are committed, then you are willing to adjust to the changes. If you are halfway committed, I don't think you will be able to put everything into it."

Contact the writer at tiffany@chinadaily.com.cn.