How to survive the insults, scams and more insults at a Chinese hair salon

"Would you like to buy a membership card?"

"Yào bàn zhāng huìyuánkǎ ma?"

"要办张会员卡吗？"

If you hear this more than three times in quick succession, you are almost certainly in a Chinese hair salon.

The moment your hand touches the door, you'll be hit in the face by questions from a hairstylist. These creatures can take many shapes: garrulous, bossy, hateful, laconic - but always somewhat annoyed.

For no discernable reason, they usually go by English names, despite not speaking a word of the language.

So what are we dealing with here? Well, let's begin with the control freak, who take charge of everything, from how much needs trimmed to whether you should have a fringe.

Stylist: I don't think it'd look good on you. You're really pretty with long hair.

Wǒ juéde duǎnfà bú shìhé nǐ. Nǐ liú chángfà hǎokàn.

我觉得短发不适合你。你留长发好看。

You: But I want to try short hair.

Dàn wǒ xiǎng chángshì yíxià duǎnfà.

但我想尝试一下短发。

Stylist: You will regret it. It's not easy to get such long hair.

Nǐ huì hòuhuǐ de. Tóufa liú zhème cháng duō bù róngyi.

你会后悔的！头发留这么长多不容易。

You: I won't. I'm sure.

Wǒ kěndìng búhuì hòuhuǐ.

我肯定不会后悔。

Stylist: At least keep it shoulder-length, which is in fashion this year.

Zhìshǎo liú dào jiānbǎng nàme cháng ba, jīnnián hěn liúxíng.

至少留到肩膀那么长吧，今年很流行。

These are the folks who will take your hair seriously, even if you don't. But don't argue that you're right. Try to think of a special reason for your haircut.

Stylist: Short hair isn't right for your face.

Duǎnfà bù shìhé nǐ de liǎnxíng.

短发不适合你的脸型。

You: It doesn't matter. I want it cut because I need a new start for my broken heart.

Méi guānxi. Wǒ jiǎn duǎnfà shì yīnwéi wǒ shī liàn le, xūyào yī gè xīn de kāishǐ.

没关系。我剪短发是因为我失恋了，需要一个新的开始。

Yes, it's a lie, but don't feel guilty - that person has a blade next to your head. Other excuses include moving to another city or a new job.

The control freak is easy enough to deal with. At least they are professional. Some stylists are just offensive.

Stylist: Which salon did it for you? Never go there again.

Zài nǎ jiā lǐfàdiàn tàng de a? Yǐhòu bié zài qù le.

在哪家理发店烫的啊？以后别再去了。

You: I don't think they're that bad. Maybe it's just my hair's problem.

Wǒ juéde tāmen hái kéyǐ. Kěnéng shì wǒ tóufa de wèntǐ.

我觉得他们还可以。可能是我头发的问题。

Stylist: Your hair needs better treatment. You can buy a membership card here and have some hair care every week.

Nǐ de tóufa xūyào gèng hǎo de báoyǎng. Nǐ kéyǐ zài wǒmen zhèlǐ bàn yī zhāng huìyuánkǎ, měizhōu guò lái zuò hùlǐ.

你的头发需要更好的保养，你可以在我们这里办一张会员卡，每周过来做护理。

You've been insulted, condemned and insulted again, and he still thinks you'll buy the membership card. The solution is easy. When they begin to criticize your previous stylist, you say:

I won't visit them again because they kept trying to sell me a membership card.

Wǒ búhuì zài qù tāmen diàn le, tāmen yìzhí tuīxiāo huìyuánkǎ.

我不会再去他们店了，他们一直推销会员卡。

That might shut them up, but remember that most hair stylists are salespeople. You're a target the moment you step into the room.

Also, beware the up-sell, which is basically a swindle to get you to pay for a more expensive shampoo or a service you had no intention of purchasing, like a dye job. The best way is to tell them you're broke:

Staff member: I'd like to recommend our senior stylist Tony for you.

Wǒ xiàng nín tuījiàn wǒmen de gāojí fàxíngshī Tuōní.

我向您推荐我们的高级发型师托尼。

You: I don't need a senior stylist. The cheapest one is fine. I don't have much money right now.

Wǒ bú xūyào gāojí fàxíngshī, zuì piányì de jiù xíng, wǒ shēnshàng méi dài duōshǎo qián.

我不需要高级发型师，最便宜的就行，我身上没带多少钱。

Once they know you don't have enough cash, most of the scams and the hard sell will stop. Keep in mind, though, that some of that hospitality will disappear, too. Someone spending money is a customer; someone who isn't is a training doll for rookies.

Of course, not all stylists are like this. For the nice, honest, hardworking people in the industry, the locks of our hair are the keys to our hearts.

Courtesy of The World of Chinese, www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese

(China Daily European Weekly 09/23/2016 page23)