I need to apologize to my son

Song (not her real name) is serving a suspended death sentence for trafficking drugs.

The parenting classes I have attended in the past five years gave me food for thought about my role as a mother, and my relationship with my own mother.

I was 28 when I started my jail term, and my son was 4 years old. I didn't think about too much about the duties of a mother before. I indulged myself in a life of pleasure and comfort. I spent most of my time playing with my son. I didn't think to plan for the future.

In the classes, we read books about intergenerational relations, and parenting experts were invited to give lectures on how to care for children of different ages. I gradually became aware that I was not responsible enough as a mother, and I'm thinking about how to make things up to my son.

He is studying at a university overseas and is headed for a prosperous future. My sentence has been reduced seven times, so I am supposed to leave prison in about 18 months.

I will tell my son how I made it through the hardest period of my life, and let him see how I have changed my personality. He will see that I am positive, cheerful and responsible. I will not be a shameful figure to my child for his whole life.

"Song" spoke with Zhou Wenting